Hi, below is a piece of relatioship advice I gave to a person on this other website
The person asked
She's my college junior but we meet rarely as she has a boyfriend. we talk a lot thru texts.
she discusses her problems wid me bout her sour relationship with her 2 yr. serious boyfriend from her same community. she tells me what if she dumps him , she'll be all alone. we practically share every thing but through texts only. she never calls me and if somtime I call her up she never answers. its been 6 months since I knw her and we have barely talked on phn. for 2-3 times. I really like her and she is totally my type. what should I do. I can't ask her out coz she has a bf. I don't even knw is she likes me like that n I dnt wanna ruin my frndship also. plz. help. thnx
My Response is
Oh boy, this type of love triangle is always problematic. In general sense, it is not a good idea to give relatioship advice to girls you have romantic feeling towards, because it is difficult to be objective, therefore difficult to give good advice.
You have to understand one thing about girls, a lot of girls choose to get and stay into a relatioship for the wrong reason. I once met a girl who is in a relatioship, with a guy she don't love, because she felt obligated to be with him, but she really love somebody else. I also once met a girl, who choose to stay in a relatioship where her boyfriend decided to married somebody else and want to keep dating her afterwards, she find it hard to leave the relationship, because she have low self esteem and fear not been able to get another guy afterwards. The truth is, (and I am not trying to be sexist here) when it come to relationship, girls frequently have their head in the sand and don't even know what they want and don't even understand their own feelings, mostly because they are been taught a distorted perspective about love and marriagae since a young age, for example, a lot of woman believe having a second class man, is better then having no man at all. Some even believe having a man that bash her up is better then having no man.
In this instant, I give these advice (1) Tell her that it is alright to be along, sometime been along is better then been with the wrong person. (2) Tell her that in a relationship it is important for her to be honest with herself and her partner, she can't avoid her problems, she must have the courage to deal with it in the most appropriate manner possible and try to create the best solution for it, it can be that they should break up, it can be that they should talk and work things out by making some changes. (3) Remind her that a relatioship is about two people and whether they are compatable for each other's word, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be and even if there are problem, it is all easy to deal with, if it is not meant to be, then it is not meant to be, it is better to end it early then to stay in an unhappy relationship, as those relationship are just distructive to everyone involved. (4) but most important of all, tell her to always be honest with herself and be herself. You should not really give any other advice, other then these I told you, because by feel romantic towards her, it is hard for you to see things objectively in all these.
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